9 Ways You Feel After A Breakup

1. Miserable

You toss and turn on your bed, wondering what had gone wrong. You wish and wish things would be as it was, even if it could be just for a little while. You imagine him/her cuddling against you, giggles in your ear, the warmth of their skin beside you. That instant, reality strikes and you're all alone. Your thoughts wonder off, why? How could this happen? Had I done anything wrong? All those questions flood your mind, causing anxiety and distress. Your arms suddenly feel cold, and you are shrouded by silence. Your heart thumps, and you just can't shake that miserable feeling off. You do the only possible thing you can do - hug your pillow as tight as possible to your chest. You bury your chin in the pillow, taking solace of its softness. And you try to remain that way, until you break down again.

2. Lonely

This isn't the normal kind of loneliness you feel. This is unprecedented, unexpected, and certainly very deep. You're ripped apart, your soul suddenly has a black hole, and there's this large void inside you. You try diverting your mind, read a book, work out, do some work to keep busy but that void is hard to ignore. In fact, it pulls you in. You're lost without him/her. And the longer your soul lingers there, you start to wonder what they might be doing. Have they moved on? How can they completely forget about you, and everything that has happened so quickly? Maybe it never was real. Maybe they have found someone new. But the truth is, you're lonely and you just have yourself. All the colors around you are washed out, and you're left only in a black and white world. And you hug your knees tighter, bury your face in between them, and hide those tears as sobs escape.

3. Rejected

The feeling of rejection is overwhelming. Very. Overwhelming. Your self esteem drops close to absolute zero. You sit by the corner, various wild thoughts running in your head. I am a bad person, otherwise why would she just leave? I'm a terrible lover. I simply cannot love. People don't like me. I'm useless. I don't even deserve love. Why should I even exist? Maybe I'm the only one type of me. I keep doing things wrongly. I'm stupid. I'm selfish, I deserve nothing. And those thoughts silently continue to eat you from the inside. You wish that pillow could offer some comfort, say something to heal you. But then a little voice inside says maybe the pillow doesn't want me too. You throw the pillow, sit tightly, as the salty tear wets your cheek. Nobody wants me, your heart says.

4. Cheated 

You trusted that person with all of your heart. You loved them with everything you have. You ignored their faults, those parts that didn't fit was simply sanded off. You loved them completely with everything they are. And every time you say "I love you", you meant it deeper than every possible emotion combined. Yet now... They don't care about you. They no longer wish to hear from you, what more to actually initiate a small talk. You're completely invisible to them, and they seem to be ignoring you more day by day. Initially you try giving reasons to yourself, rationalizing their actions. You remind yourself they might be busy. That they had something going on. Maybe their phone battery died. They're not feeling well. Something. Then one by one, things happen. They block you on their social account. Block you on Instagram. Unfriendly you on Facebook. Blue tick you on Whatsapp. Leave you completely by yourself. At this point, no amount of excuses is able to cover up that fact staring right at you - they no longer want you in their life. That's when the feeling of being cheated hits you hard. Real hard.

5. Emotional episodes.

Every time you sleep, that person comes to mind. You remember how you used to cuddle as you fell asleep. Or how sweetly you two played with your noses, tickled yourself and touched each other. That emotion of contentment and joy after making love. The feeling of their body and soul against yours. You can't bear the thought of falling asleep alone. Somehow, you manage to. Only to be woken up in the middle of the night, searching frantically for them to realize they're no more there. You try comforting yourself, hugging the pillow and other tricks to no avail. They come in your dreams, reminding you of the good times. And when you wake up, you are glued to the bed. You wish they would be right there with you. Every time you try to get up, your mood drops as you don't want to start the day alone, feeling dejected. And these episodes repeat, from time to time. While you are cooking, the person comes to mind. When you hear that song, memories flood. And you can only wish. A wish that would never be fulfilled.

6. Confusion 

You stand in the shower, the jet of hot water streaming down you body and millions of thoughts churn in your mind. You close your eyes, savoring the heat from the shower, wishing it could provide some answers, some closure. Is this really over? You ask. Are we really done? No. It can't be. I'm overthinking. But she hasn't called or texted ,e in a week. It must be over. Why? I should start moving on. But what if she decides to come back when I've moved on? Then what? Why does it have to be this way in the first place? We loved each other. That was what she told me. So it's really over? Maybe I could win her back. Maybe.. You're lost. You have no idea what you're saying. Your mind hovers around the reasons she gave. She isn't interested in a relationship for now. She doesn't want to go there. She isn't ready to commit. She wants you to have the freedoms of seeing someone new. It can't work out. But maybe if we both fought for it? You wonder. Do I have a chance? Your mind goes round and round, asking questions that you couldn't possibly answer. And that makes you feel a lot worse than when you started.

7. Anger

You stare at their picture so long on your phone. Your mind races, and somehow you've got nothing left to say. They left you. So what? It's their loss. I can't be keeping her happy the way she wants all the time. Leaving? Fine. You're mad at them for leaving you at a moment like this. A moment you wished that they would fight more to keep it going. You bring yourself to see their scars and faults. They blocked me on social accounts, so why should I even bother them anymore? I gave my best, but it wasn't requited, so what's the point of holding on? You let me down. I've put up with everything you've done, and this is how I'm treated. The stream of thoughts simply flow through your mind. You realize you're feeling anger. But you can't bring yourself to hate that person. No. That's just wrong. You loved them with everything, and it pissed you off that they wouldn't do the same. They aren't willing to talk things out with you. Aren't willing to make a difference. At least to try. Sometimes the anger comes naturally. Sometimes you try pretending to be mad. But beneath all those times, you're cracking and shattering inside.

8. To let go

You sit on the sofa. Completely tuned out from the TV. Oblivious to the sweet music from your earphones. You stare at a blank wall, taking it up all in. Slowly trying to fathom it all. Slowly digesting - a terrible feeling - but making sense of the situation. You realize that there's nothing more you could have done. And right now, the dark clouds have denied you the sunny day you used to have. She simply isn't coming back. Whether it's your fault or not, you will never know. What did it matter? You bring yourself to believe that. And realize there's nothing you can do, besides letting go of that person from your mind. From your heart. To finally break that bond. Things become heavy and hard as you imagine this, but you know you have to do it. To protect yourself from further grief and pain. To let you love yourself once again. To experience life. So, slowly but painfully, you let go. You try not to think about her. Whenever thoughts of you together surfaces, you don't shrug it off or get mad. Instead you smile because it happened, and push that thought behind before emotions bubbled. You leave your phone. Hardly check it. Whatever hope you had that they might return, and apologize, you let it go. There's no more hope, you tell yourself. And now, you're telling yourself "that's okay" . I'll do just fine. And you let go.

9. Heartbroken

There's a difference between feelings after a breakup and actually feeling heartbroken. Heartbroken is simply a part of the feelings you feel during a breakup. You feel the pain, the actual pain in your heart. The moment the pieces shatter and cracks wide open. You writhe on the floor, things become very heavy. Your heart trembles, cracking slowly like a knife being pushed in and in. Before you met her, you had all the walls set up around your heart to protect you. But as the relationship developed, you opened the walls to her. Trust her with your heart. Give her the emotions. And when she left, your heart is simply a rose dropped on the street. Without water and care, it's trampled on. Overtime, it rots and loses its beauty. Your heart throbs, aches and shatters into s million pieces. Even pieces that are shattered seems to be shattering even more. How is it possible? You have no idea. The only thing you know is that the love of your heart has left. You experience hurt, a hurt never experienced before. And there you sit, alone, fragile, hurt.